Toastless void

Reverting back to the present, suddenly I craved toasts like mad today and to be honest, I am not a frequent toast eater.

So I had 4 buttered toasts to curb the toastless void in my life.

Job done. I love my butter. I hope my heart loves it as much as I do.

(I even tried playing fetch with myself using toasts. Brilliant. You can ask me for a picture of that.)

One of two Saturdays.

(Sorry about the weird chronology - been flipping busy in January and trying to catch up documenting my sad life for my future self and partner/ children/ grandchildren etc. to laugh at.)

Last Saturday and its predecessor were musically exciting and equally exhausting.

12th January

The night before I was walking home in the dark and was fiddling round with the then deserted Twitter. To my surprise Foals were asking people to join in their video shoot, of course I thought why not!

In the morning I had sort out my passport renewal (cheaper to renew it in le UK than in HK) and then get my unkempt mop cut. I was also trying out my pair of new platforms - and fell over the pavement, into the mud because they are a size too big.

Anyway I went to The Garage and bumped into a couple on the way. I was mega awed by the amount of people already there. (**Please note the couple and I all arrived earlier than designated time**)

Blimey.

A bit of banter with the couple and realised we travelled from (and live around) the same Underground station. Woah. Small world. I also found myself absorbing the very nice girl's Scouse accent, as I always do when talking to or even texting people. 

Fast forward - the bouncer sent nearly everyone home because apparently the video producer/ director etc 'the lot' had already hired extras so fans can fuck off. A lot of people waited around and it was then I befriended many amazing people - French, German and more King's College students. (It's getting mildly worrying that the French and Germans would rather speak to me in English and ignore my attempts in speaking in their tongues. Deterioration occurs quickly.)

After a few hours of hot chocolate drinking, trying not to die in the cold I finally made it in! (I had nowhere to go because I was meeting some friends at 9pm yet it would be ridiculous for me to travel back my crib and then out again.) The (seemingly Northern) bouncer was being super rude and was basically a dick. (slamming the door in your face and things alike)

Whilst waiting for the filming to re-commence, I reunited with two of the girls I met in the queue. After some chinwag I found out they're doing English at King's College (all students I have been meeting at gigs are all from KCL, WEIRD WEIRD). So sitting on the ground, we were talking about poetry and that Roland Barthes essay that every English student seems to have read. Thanks to them I finally know about the rivalry between KCL and UCL. Ha. 

The filming was rather fun because we got played roughly 5 seconds of the song to dance to then stop again. After a while, Yannis got out a bottle of Jack Daniels and was drinking it plain, then passed it around the room. People who know me personally know I can't drink but I still took a sip - social pressure! There were steadycams and funny instructions and it was good fun. 

The following conversation occured that night : 

Me : I took a sip from the bottle of JD that was passed around the room.

Nice friend of mine : Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow with herpes.

Thanks to dickhead bouncer I only was present for about an hour so I thought I would not survive the editing BUT final product : 

I found myself @ 1:22 jumping up and down (because of my extraordinary height). 

If it wasn't for my special top + crazy jumping I think I would've just missed my 2 seconds of fame. 

(Funnily enough that top always seems to be worn by me when trying to embarrass myself musically

This is me tripping over on stage in Hong Kong (around 3:58) wearing the very same top)

After the video shoot I went to meet up with my pals travelling from Cambridge who were hosting a show in Dalston. Just when I thought I had met London's worst bouncer - no someone topped that. I don't even want to go into the details because even I can't laugh at myself. It was plain humiliating and on my way back, on the tube, I thought to myself 'I should've just stayed being a Christian and become a nun instead. So the only occasions I am allowed out are to get groceries (or maybe some fresh air?).' Gasp. 

It would have been a much much much better (Satur)day if it wasn't for the existence dickhead bouncers. (and probably my own bad luck for bumping into them out of the many bouncers out there. Don't get me wrong, I have met some lovely bouncers before.............albeit rare.)

Light switches

Living in a different country/ place sort of means a lot of learning and culture shocks but to be honest, I have been doing rather fine in England (so far).

BUT.

ONE THING.

BIG BIG CULTURE SHOCK THIS.

Light switches.

Yes.

One day when I'm a wrinkly granny I can tell my grandchildren 'Oh when your granny was young she lived in London for a short while, and she learnt a lot about light switches!'

Now let me begin by giving you a background lesson on light switches in Hong Kong, they normally look like this when mounted on the wall :

And when they come in the form of lamps, they look like this :

So basically my point is : in HK, the light switches work by magical clickty-clicks. Nothing fancy. Easily accesible. 

Come English light switches (okay, yes I did take the above pictures just then (in England) but you know, not all lights have switches that are as evil, impersonal and unfriendly), THIS : 

Now what the actual _ _ _ _? How are you supposed to - click this crap?????? 

I remember the first time I had to confront this beast face-to-face I was staying at a friend's and was placed in a spare room. I had to run to the loo (classic me) during the night and I could only reach for the main light switch on the wall that's not even close. JUST BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIGURE THIS SHITE OUT. 

I don't really see the point of not having one of those clickty-click switches. Plus these are always found under the lampshade which makes them extra awkward to locate and of course, OPERATE. 

And now let us not forget that dangly string that seems to exist in every single English bathroom : 

(courtesy of Google)

Why? Is there an unspoken rule/ consensus amongst the English that one has to install this sort of light in their own bathroom?

Someone tell me. Please.